I am a narcissist. I care about me first and everyone else second or last. My order of people I care about goes from me to my wife to my daughter to my son to who I consider to be my best friend to his wife. Everyone else I really could care less about. Some people I could care about less than others as I do have some good acquaintances that make my life more enjoyable. If I don't talk to you on a regular basis or have never talked to you on a regular basis I really would care if you died tomorrow, this does include some family members, they haven't made any effort even though I've tried.
I am a psychopath. I am homicidal and suicidal. I have absolutely no respect for life. I have megalomania, but only when I am in a manic mood. Speaking of which I am "officially" Bi-Polar with auditory and visual hallucinations, I have a severe anxiety disorder, I am claustrophobic and agoraphobic. I hate large crowds of people. I don't like to go out much, but when I do I like to have a good time, whether that be talking with the people who I consider and can count on half of my hand as friends or going out somewhere to have a good time, I just need to take my pills. Unofficially, because they don't want to burden me with the label, I am schizophrenic.
Speaking of my pills, On a daily basis I take Lithium, Geodon, Wellbutrin, Klonopin, and Ativan (yes I am on two anti anxiety meds) for my mental disoders. If I need it I also take Propranolol, and Zyprexa.
I also have several things wrong with my back. For that I take Percocet, MS Contin, and Flexoril. So all in all I take 11 different pills and on a bad day I take about 19 pills in all. Needless to say I am not always on top of my game.
My brain is full of hole, partly because of the medication, but mainly because I destroyed my body and my mind using recreational drugs in my younger years. I was addicted to marijuana (yes you can be addicted to it, trust me), LSD, ecstasy, heroin, cocaine, ketamine, and a few others that I can not think of right now. I have not, however, ever tried crack, meth, or PCP (I am quite proud of this fact).
I had a father who was an enabler, by which I mean he would buy me and supply me with drugs. My mother was more concernes about herself then she was about me, but I have mostly forgiven her for that. She is a better person now in some ways and, in my opinion, worse in other ways.
I had two step-fathers who abused me physically. One put my head through a wall, the other would start fights with me, did I mention that one was a brick layer, no, well he was.
Without the help of my grandparents, who I love very much, and my aunt I would probably not made it past my fifth birthday.
I have tried to commit suicide more times than I can remember and I have gotten into more fights that I care to remember. Since my daughter was born (I was not much of a father to my son) I have cleaned up my act entirely and decided it was time to grow up.
I have been working on my poetry for years, mostly emotional stuff and stuff about love, which I know so little about, but only recently have I started to throw my hat into the ring of novel writing. I will never give up poetry, it is too much of an outlet for me. Someof it I share with the world for free, other pieces I try to get paid for and still others I keep to myself and maybe one or two only are read by the people who they are directed at. I have one piece like that now. I am just waiting for her to calm down a little bit and be ready to accept it.
I believe that you can love someone with all your heart and still have some left over to give to someone else.
Constantly my mind wanders between reality and fantasy, but I try my hardest to control those changes. The voices have pretty much left me alone since I got on this regiment of medication, but the visual hallucinations continue. I am oh so happy about that (can you sense the sarcasm?).
What I want out of this world is to be recognized for the talent that I am (of course that could be the megalomania talking) and to become a published author in more than one category and genre before I take my dirt nap.
Now you know a little bit about me. My life is like an open book, there are very few secrets I keep close to my chest, so if you have anything to ask, feel free. I will do my best to answer it.
I am a psychopath. I am homicidal and suicidal. I have absolutely no respect for life. I have megalomania, but only when I am in a manic mood. Speaking of which I am "officially" Bi-Polar with auditory and visual hallucinations, I have a severe anxiety disorder, I am claustrophobic and agoraphobic. I hate large crowds of people. I don't like to go out much, but when I do I like to have a good time, whether that be talking with the people who I consider and can count on half of my hand as friends or going out somewhere to have a good time, I just need to take my pills. Unofficially, because they don't want to burden me with the label, I am schizophrenic.
Speaking of my pills, On a daily basis I take Lithium, Geodon, Wellbutrin, Klonopin, and Ativan (yes I am on two anti anxiety meds) for my mental disoders. If I need it I also take Propranolol, and Zyprexa.
I also have several things wrong with my back. For that I take Percocet, MS Contin, and Flexoril. So all in all I take 11 different pills and on a bad day I take about 19 pills in all. Needless to say I am not always on top of my game.
My brain is full of hole, partly because of the medication, but mainly because I destroyed my body and my mind using recreational drugs in my younger years. I was addicted to marijuana (yes you can be addicted to it, trust me), LSD, ecstasy, heroin, cocaine, ketamine, and a few others that I can not think of right now. I have not, however, ever tried crack, meth, or PCP (I am quite proud of this fact).
I had a father who was an enabler, by which I mean he would buy me and supply me with drugs. My mother was more concernes about herself then she was about me, but I have mostly forgiven her for that. She is a better person now in some ways and, in my opinion, worse in other ways.
I had two step-fathers who abused me physically. One put my head through a wall, the other would start fights with me, did I mention that one was a brick layer, no, well he was.
Without the help of my grandparents, who I love very much, and my aunt I would probably not made it past my fifth birthday.
I have tried to commit suicide more times than I can remember and I have gotten into more fights that I care to remember. Since my daughter was born (I was not much of a father to my son) I have cleaned up my act entirely and decided it was time to grow up.
I have been working on my poetry for years, mostly emotional stuff and stuff about love, which I know so little about, but only recently have I started to throw my hat into the ring of novel writing. I will never give up poetry, it is too much of an outlet for me. Someof it I share with the world for free, other pieces I try to get paid for and still others I keep to myself and maybe one or two only are read by the people who they are directed at. I have one piece like that now. I am just waiting for her to calm down a little bit and be ready to accept it.
I believe that you can love someone with all your heart and still have some left over to give to someone else.
Constantly my mind wanders between reality and fantasy, but I try my hardest to control those changes. The voices have pretty much left me alone since I got on this regiment of medication, but the visual hallucinations continue. I am oh so happy about that (can you sense the sarcasm?).
What I want out of this world is to be recognized for the talent that I am (of course that could be the megalomania talking) and to become a published author in more than one category and genre before I take my dirt nap.
Now you know a little bit about me. My life is like an open book, there are very few secrets I keep close to my chest, so if you have anything to ask, feel free. I will do my best to answer it.